GEMS, imperfect prose, MUSINGS

Let me fix you

I’ma try fix you and hopefully somehow i will fix myself too. Maybe I will find a savior on my way to Damascus, but the Christians you know, they never come this way. And when they do they are not looking for an encounter with someone like me, they really are headed to Damascus, fox in sheep’s clothing. That’s a better choice compared to a sheep in fox clothing, no one would ever chooses the fox except on a browser.

Lets go round in circles, there’s nothing wrong with confusion. If the confused can stand up straight never mind on the other side of truth. After all what matters most is who approves, the more the number the better, lets just stay politically correct. Even though there’s no room in the chronicles for  those who are not extra-ordinary.

damascus

So lets seat here and wonder as we act like we are okay, maybe one day pardon will find us and hopefully then, we wont be plugged in. Hopefully, we wont be busy tapping away on our touch screen devices, listening to words of other people’s meditations. Zoned out to our own thoughts and lacking sensitivity to warmth, the kind that makes a body shiver as it evicts chills.

Never knocking, never seeking, never finding anything that lasts longer than the next big thing. Never knowing, never wanting, never yearning blinded by the worldly. Never understanding, never caring other than for whats currently trending. The waves carrying us in any direction the current wishes, thirsty in the midst salty water, thirsty in the midst of plenty, convinced we have it all.

The embracing of empty cisterns, holes so small to be seen, but that doesn’t make them any less of holes. Perforated hearts that leak love, re-branding all that is false as gospel truth. We can fix each other or at least try to before we crash, we are headed toward the edge at full speed. We gained momentum when we changed direction thinking we were going uphill yet we were walking in reverse.

There’s hope, there always will be, it’s still not the end of time.

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MUSINGS

That one dream that scares me so much I am afraid to share with anyone else

dark trees

A little over a year ago my friend asked me a question that has stuck with me to date, I think about it a lot as I process it, I try to  answer it and  harder to believe my own response. She asked what my big dream was, that one dream that scares me so much I am afraid to share with anyone else. Ironic, isn’t it? Why would I then share it with her if I was so scared to share it with anyone? “I am not anyone,” She would have responded. It is amazing when you have one or two friends who have transcended the ‘anyone’ zone and you both know it. Those who provide safe spaces that can’t be afforded by anyone.  Immediately she asked the question, I knew the answer, I knew the dream, because you see dreams like those do not allow you sleep. They wake you up at night, keep you up and follow you throughout the day. I had the answer, but as I was too scared to share it with her, it was too small in a big way, too simple I thought. It had nothing to do with the job or a house or good school. Actually I was more scared of admitting the dream to myself more that to anyone. So I said I hadn’t thought about it, I dint know what it was.

The other day another friend and I sat next to each other in this crowded coffee shop, because the table was too wide to sit across from each other. We talked about everything; from boots to books, God, red lipstick and work. That is the freedom safe space provides: No inhibition.
We then discussed the future, now whenever for a minute I discuss my future in total honesty that nagging big dream, the one that scares me so much I cannot dare share with anyone, let alone allow myself to admit that I have it, crosses my minds. Even if for a second before I shut it out; it shows up. Some days we have the courage to let it be but on others we shut it out, but we all have it whichever the case. As we talked I asked her, “what do you want?” After giving a prelude, she concluded that she didn’t quite know what it was she wanted. I knew she knew what it was, because I would have said the same thing if she had asked.

These dreams scare us, they seem too big or too small, too grand or too mundane; but they are authentically ours. They attract fear or rather they reside in caves clouded by fear, where only brave hearts can go. Fear cuts us out, I say this as a self-professed fear victim: it whispers stubborn lies that sound like truth.

So what’s my ‘that one dream’, the one that scares me so much I am afraid to share with anyone? I can’t say for now, but it has something to do with writing this post.

MUSINGS

If we were honest, we would all be authors

Happy new year !!!

No? too late? ok Happy end to the first month of a slightly old 2015:)

Time has gone by so fast, this month especially I haven’t gotten completely used to adding the 5 at the end when writing out dates I am still stuck on 4. It is not amusing at all if its on signed documents. Today being the last day of January I felt like I needed to beat a self imposed deadline by posting something before the month ends. So here I am.

Writing lately has been hard,because I can’t write when I don’t think I am being honest. And lately, I have found it easier to lock in thoughts by not writing them down because putting words down confirms that what is on my mind, actually truly is on my mind. It  sounds a bit confusing, but let me try to explain; I believe that writing gives evidence of our thoughts and emotions, it lets us in on what we are going through. It helps us put into perspective feelings and experiences, it puts it down in black and white ( or whatever ink and pen colour we prefer). So once we write, we stare genuinely at pieces of ourselves spread out on the screen or notebook, laid bare. So, that’s why I have found it easier to refrain from writing.

I admire people who write genuinely, most blogs i read daily and others that I look forward to reading are so raw. I hope to share with you my top 5 bloggers with you soon. In the mean time I will try work my way to your top and to my top 5 list. I read this quote sometime back and it has stuck,


“when you write your first draft write it as if everyone you know is dead”


I can’t remember where I read it, but it is such good advice which I have refused to take. If I was to write as if everyone I knew was dead (gasp), that would be something.

I have arrived at the conclusion that: If we were all honest with ourselves- things that keeps us awake at night, dreams that drive us through out the day, nightmares, hopes that wake us up  in the morning, love we never want to let go, broken hearts and bruised spirits, fears that stalk our paths and doubts that leave us questioning everything we believe in, moments of great pleasure and joy, days of pure bliss and relentless delight- then we would all be authors. We would all be published authors but we are not…

GEMS, MUSINGS

if you have called yourself a quitter

hey you, quitter, do not get offended by the name. Today I want us to do something, let us change our names from quitter to starter. You see, you can’t quit on anything you never started on. Every quitter was once a brave heart, that is another name option, because starting anything requires courage. So call yourself Courageous; the name options available are plenty.

We let the voices of doubt tell us things like, ” You are a quitter!”. These voices, point out to all the things we’ve quit on and  intentionally leaves out that we had enough courage to start  out these things in the first place and even greater courage to let go. Letting go is not easy, people run in circles chasing tails all their lives afraid of letting go; afraid of being labelled quitters.

Regret is a monster, lack of appreciation is its closest friend. So I want to change my perspective on quitting, you can join in if you want. i will appreciate the fact that I had enough courage to start and I will not regret that I quit on things that needed letting go off. When i quit unnecessarily, I will have the courage to start again because my new name is courageous bearing a brave heart. Let us not let past failures stop us from starting again.

GEMS, MUSINGS

Life is funny

Life is funny, funny haha sometimes but mostly funny interesting. It is funny in the way things work out, in the people we meet along the way and how randomly we meet them. In how one thing you do leads to another, then another then to the present. How decisions we make affect us years from the day we make them, how one turn on a street can lead to something unexpected and unplanned. I am not talking about the wrong turns, I am referring to right turns that don’t seem promising when you ignore the left. Those turns that lead to a happy place, putting a smile on your face and leave you to wondering how did I get here?

Because here is not where you thought you would be when she asked you for lip balm and she asked for some lip balm and that moment signified the start of a fruitful friendship. Here is not where you thought you would be when you got on that bus and sat next to him and started a conversation about weather because it’s always the easiest go to topic. Those subtle life changing moments sometimes can’t be traced but they are there. They can’t be missed when you look up and look back.They’re not always extra ordinary, but they can be uncomfortable. Because they require some stepping out of the usual routine, like taking a different route to work, talking to  a stranger or signing up for a marathon.


These moments are hardly experienced when you remain in your comfort zone.


They can’t be experienced if you fail to say hi to the person seated next to you on that bus or plane, join a new church, or go to that party that required you to buy that new dress which seemed like more of a hustle than an opportunity at that time. They are experienced when you do something different like finally getting out of the house to go for that run, then you trip and fall and when you look up and meet your future life long best friend (maybe I have gone all movie script there but you get it don’t you?).

Gasp for air.

There are so many things waiting for us out there, so many people to meet, places to see, foods to taste, music to listen to, if we make subtle changes in our day-to-day lives. When we step out of our comfort zones we get to realize that life is funny, in a sheepish smile to self kind of way.

MUSINGS

Fear is just a LIE

Don’t hang on to fear. We have grown comfortable with it built a prison from it, locked ourselves in it and surrendered the key to it. We cling on to fear because it gives us an excuse to shelve our dreams with believable excuses. It tells us, “do not step outside, its too dark and who knows what is sheltered in the dark”.  Not knowing that you’ve allowed fear to lock you into a windowless room with no crack to peep outside.  If you gathered enough courage to open the door whose key you have voluntarily handed over to fear you will realize that the sun shines outside. And that if you open the door and found darkness as fear promised you would, there are things called torches and candles that you can use to light up your path until daylight comes.

feed the birds topins a bag :) -Mary Poppins

Stepping out means dying to self, dying to misconceptions you collected along the way like; you are not good enough, you can’t do it  , there is something wrong with you. Seeds that were planted along the way whether knowingly or unknowingly. Lies that you allowed to germinated like weeds chocking the life out of you. You have to die to self , I have to die to self, we have to die to self. That involves letting go of a victim mentality. It’s a gutter that traps potential, it hoards dreams, it chokes hopes and in it bitterness breeds – no one needs that. Let it go!! Burn it up. If its a lie and you know it why do you keep holding on to it?

We’ve been brought up in a world that encourages fear, all kinds of fear. Because we’ve  previously experienced situations that encourage fear, we live life’s that expect fear.  Past terrorists attacks have taught us to be afraid of flying, getting into malls, past disappointments have taught us to be fearful of being hopeful, broken relationships have taught us lack of trust. We’ve become victims, victims of circumstances. But what if we lived like people who have never known fear as sung by Relient K on the song let it go ” and today I will trust with the confidence of a man whose never known defeat and tomorrow upon finding out what I did I’ll stare at you in disbelief”
Believing that fear is just a lie as sung by tenth avenue north on the song  strong enough. Yes, “Fear is just a lie!”.


Step outside, ask fear to hand you back keys to the prison you have let it lock you into, open the door, burn that house down, die to that victim mentality, let go of the lies, grab your torch if its dark, and start walking.


This is just the beginning, because lies are like bed bugs so  though you’ve  burned down the house some might’ve found a home on your clothes and as you walk up on your journey of life ( whatever it is to you) those lies will keep biting you whispering familiar lies. You have to fight them constantly, whatever you do don’t look back.

Fear is just a lie, today lets trust Him ( Jesus) with the confidence of men who have never known defeat, then lets do the same tomorrow and the day after, and after that.

MUSINGS

Thank you for journeying with me – 2 years of blogging

I am very excited because 2 years ago yesterday i started this blog, my first blog post is still dear to me it was titled He already found you. Oh how fast time has flown. I had no idea then I would still be writing today. The journey (for it has been a journey) has been amazing. From months on end of not posting new entries to months like this where I have had more than 5 posts.

It has been an amazing journey, as I mentioned here, when I started this blog i thought i would be a saviour of sorts, that is yet to happen, but I have been saved with words that I knew not were held within me. God has been gracious.

The blog would be of no use if no one read it.

So, thank you dear reader for walking this journey with me 🙂 For those who follow my blogs thank you so much. You have been the most patient and kind. You allow my words to invade your email space every once in a while; in times when the words I write make sense to you and also on the other days ( rare occasions I hope) when they do not. You have received my half written posts, sometimes because I clicked on the post button before i was done  with my post (oops) or when the typos were clear evidence I had not done any editing. You have been the most gracious. I know that everytime I click send there are people living, breathing, reading, loving, caring, hurting, bruising, laughing, crying, busy, bored, who will enjoy the words I type out. again… thank you, I write with you in mind. And to my brother who reads every post I write because he is also subscribed Thank you. Your support has always been a fort for me, i know that if everyone unsubscribed ( kindly do not take this as a Que to do so) from NPD you would never join in the trend. You would still be here, ALWAYS.

To the community of readers from my Facebook, all the bloggers who have stopped by even for a peek, for those who lingered a little longer and dropped a few lines of encouragement thank you. To those who liked what they saw and clicked the like button, oh the joys of blog posts liked:) Thank you. For those who have shared or re-posted this blog merci beacoup.
If you have been encouraged by words on here, praise God.

I plan to keep blogging, I know not how to stop; not permanently anyways. I hope to be more consistent no more entry-less months.

That being said, I enjoy sharing my life with you.

As I conclude i will paraphrase this Bible verse from 1 Thes 2:8 which expresses my thoughts concerning you;
” I loved you so much that I was delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but my life as well because you have become dear to me”

Yes, I just confessed my love to people I have never met.:) Keep smiling.

Enjoy Its a fine fine life by For king and Country 🙂